3 Years.

Gargi's 51st birthday and the 3 year mark of me exclusively chasing my passion for trading. I think it's important to take a step back and assess how the first three years have gone..

But before I focus on how frustrated and disappointed in myself I am, I recently came across this:

I've known this. In all the books I've read, every one talks about the time to profitability and the only ability that matters is survivability. I see this and it makes me feel better. But, for whatever reason I'm still annoyed it's taking me this long. Primarily, especially in Y3, I've had stretches where it finally clicked and thought I'd figured it out. I think I've figured the TA out, I haven't figured myself out yet.

First a recap.

Year 1:

• Naivety worked. I started out so profitable. No focus on position size. No consistency in execution. Just belief that I had somehow figured it out so quick and it was going to be 5 figure months every month.

• 80% green days / 18% red days / 2% give it all back days.

• In year 1, I spend a lot of time trying to win back my losses as opposed to progress as a trader and build confidence in my system.

Year 2:

• Far greater risk management but similar out comes

• I took a far more regimented and rigid approach to what I was doing, but that only works with 100% adherence

• I tinkered with multiple checklists and work sheets to complete before execution. All of which worked until they didn't

• I spent a lot of time blaming things other than myself for my lack of progress

Year 3:

• 3 separate stretches where I really feel like I figured it out

  • 1st in December/January of last year which led me to finally allow myself to launch this site and spend time on fun things like branding etc.

  • 2nd in April/May as I began to write my analysis, plans, and recaps on a daily basis

  • 3rd July/August where a 20 days run returned 150% easily

• Each time my feeling of making it peaked is where I started making careless mistakes and negating my progress

But, real progress is there. The stretches in Year 3 with multiple weeks of green only days is proof that I have gotten better and am headed in the right direction. Again, I'm still annoyed it's taken me this long, but I'm also more appreciative of the fact, that if it were actually easy then everyone would do it. It's not. It's genuinely hard. That challenge is what drives me. It's not about the money but about the problem solving.

Originally my problem was knowledge. And, while there's forever more to learn, I believe it's primarily my mindset that's holding me back. Mantra's I know but don't always adhere to. Mistakes I've made that I continue to make. All while, feeling more and more confident and deliberate my analysis and system. Every misstep has forced me to hone in on the very essence of what my edge is and how to execute against it.

The hours and hours and hours I've spent watching charts- I'm seeing things and avoiding missteps far better than I ever have. Can I hone into my edge and setups with such clarity that my emotions can't get in the way.

So, I start Y3 having come so very close to getting to a level of consistency I want to achieve only to feel like I'm starting over. In reality, it's always been 2 steps forward, 1 step back -- I am genuinely so much further along that I was 3 years ago.

I feel like I'm closer. I'm no longer deluding myself into thinking any stretch of great performance is sustainable. Performance is not sustainable. Only my process and execution is. I'm constantly iterating and getting closer to a sustainable, repeatable, effective process that will yield the results I demand - over a long period of time.

As I start Y4... What do I want to see by this time next year? A maniacal understanding of what it is exactly I'm looking for, why, and a consistent set of actions to take in different scenarios. It's about trying to automate as much as possible. Be selective. Be the trader I want to be.

The very best took a while. I'm allowing myself the time to become the very best. This is my pursuit.